well you can't waste a boner
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
