I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
