I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
