I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
