are you still at the devil's house?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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