Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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