drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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