after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
