Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
