Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
