I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
