can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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