you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
