thus making me awesome and them whores
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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