What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
