dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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