why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
