This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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