I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
