He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
