I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
