when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
