You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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