On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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