fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The power of my boobs compel you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
