I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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