im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
