What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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