I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You may now shotgun with the bride
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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