just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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