I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
