Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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