idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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