I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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