There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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