That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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