I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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