The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
