i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
