I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my poor anus
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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