i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize