Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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