Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
