I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
