I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
