I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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