We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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