I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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