You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
