she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm always down for nudity.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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