It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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