Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
