where am i from again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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