i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
