I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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