I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You have to summon your inner elephant
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You had me at "let me see your balls"
my liver is dry heaving
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
