I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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