Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
