i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
