I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
