so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
