So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
