Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You dont lie about slip and slides
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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