Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
