I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
