You made me cry and you don't even care
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
